You're Married, Now What?

Top Ten Post-Wedding To Do List:

1. Unpack from your honeymoon
2. Pay out any remaining balances oweing
3. Return any doubles of gifts
4. Call your photographer and videographer to Thank them and give a persuasive nudge to, regarding proofs
5. If your Thank You cards involve a photo of the two of you at the Wedding, begin the printing process ASAP
6. Start the process of writing and sending your thank you cards
7. Phone your parents and thank them, share stories and photos over a special dinner
8. Contact your Vendors to acknowledge and/or thank them
9. Update your Wedding Web Site, and/or social networking site
10. Before putting away your Wedding gifts, take a moment and double check the original list of who gave you what. If there are any glitches then it is easier to sort out while the items are still in their boxes with the gift cards.

At a Wedding I attended in Edmonton one year, the couple had an intimate Ceremony of immediate family only, before opening up the Wedding Reception to extended family and friends. Because family was so important to this couple, they included, as part of the Wedding Ceremony, a special moment where all the family members were asked to hold their rings briefly and say a prayer or bless the rings with a wish.

As the rings were passed along, it became clear that having the family members bless the rings was symbolic of a Marriage begun on the foundation of family.

I could write a book on the various MOBs and MOGs I have met, and I have some crazy stories that I will share in future posts.

But for now, I respond to a recent e-mail I received from a Bride-to-be. This Bride wrote saying that her future Mother-In-Law is meddling and sticking her nose into the planning way too much.

This happens sometimes, and it can be worse if the MOG has only sons, and no daughters to help plan for their Wedding(s).

MOG are best dealt with if they are given a significant task. You must delegate. If someone like a parent wants to be that involved, then involve them. Choose something in your Wedding planning that requires alot of time, that maybe you aren't TOO concerned about and delegate.

Things like; have her make ribbon pew ends (your design), have her be in charge of writing out the place cards, if she sews, have her sew the flower girls' dresses....the list is endless. Just be creative - ask your fiancee if he has any ideas.

I have not met one Bride that has not felt some level of stress during her Wedding planning. No matter how organized, mellow, laid back or focused you are, Bride and Groom stress is inevitable.

I'm not trying to be negative, just realistic.

Here's five tips to combat Bride and Groom stress (via some of my lovely Brides);

1. Start planning early on.
The more time you have to source out vendors, check references and make decisions, the better. There's nothing more stressful than having to make a last minute (major) decision.

2. Set yourself time-oriented goals.
One of my Brides said that she had a year to plan her Wedding, so she set herself certain goals every month. She made sure to check all the boxes of her task list each month, which meant she had to keep to some sort of schedule.

3. Have "no-Wedding-speak" dates with your sweetie.
Put aside special days when you both promise that you won't talk about anything to do with your Wedding plans.

4. Prioritize.
While your Wedding planning is important, don't let it consume you, or your relationship. If it helps, make a list of important dates leading up to your big day, that aren't about your big day. For instance, don't forget about your friends' and families' birthdays.

5. Delegate information gathering.
Your friends will want to help you. Especially those in your Bridal party. If you have an keeners, ask them to research the options available for cakes, or find three vendors for you to interview about decor.

As I get to know my Brides during the planning process, an interesting thing happens. The more time I spend with a Bride to be, the more I begin to see their true essence. Most Brides remain true to the vision of their Wedding day, while recognizing that their marriage is a future unknown - usually they are excited and nervous about becoming a wife.

Then there are the Brides that only see the Wedding. Yes, organizing a Wedding is a big job that requires many hours of planning and making significant decisions. You can't help but get caught up in all the details. But have you thought much about the Marriage ? As a Wedding vendor, a Bride's Marriage is not really my concern, but as I witness certain dynamics unfold between Brides, Grooms and their families, I often think that some of my clients are over focused on the Wedding, and missing the big picture.

So what's the happy solution? I say it's balance.

Your Wedding is an important short-term goal which necessitates a focus on your guests, your desired "look and feel of the day" and how you want to start your Marriage. Your long-term goal, of course is your Marriage which will be much like a roller coaster. There may be no answers now, for future questions, but at least you can build a good foundation from the start.

Who is paying for your wedding?

The tradition used to be that the Brides' family paid for most things, and the Grooms' family were responsible for the alcohol, the honeymoon and the marriage certificate. Years ago there were more routine customs. The lines were more defined and the information was obvious.

But nowadays, it seems (talking to some of my Brides), that there has been a shift of how the wedding gets paid for. I have found that more Brides and Grooms contribute financially to their wedding costs, then say, 15 years ago. I believe this is a combination of two things; the increased costs involved in having a wedding, and the desire to have a more elaborate celebration.

As a vendor in the wedding industry, I try to keep the Bride as my client. There have been times when parents' call me (on the sly) and ask for changes in the budget. They believe that since they are paying for it, they can make significant changes. This puts us wedding vendors in an awkward position, and before you know it, I am playing armchair psychologist!

If you are finding that having your parents paying for the entire wedding is getting stressful, try this...Ask your parents if they can be responsible for certain areas of the wedding, such as reception food and drink. The other contributors (perhaps your future in-laws), can then be marked for flowers and cake. It is a simple way of delegating financial responsibilities without stepping on too many toes.

Welcome to Part 1 of 4 of the March Series.

photo: Todd Duncan Photography

Let's talk Moms and flowers. Here's 5 quick tips;

1. If you are considering a pin-on corsage, limit them to 1 or 2 blooms so they are not too heavy - you don't want the corsage to hang or droop, especially if the fabric is lightweight. There are great magnets now that most floral designers know about - this prevents the floral pins from making holes in the fabric.

2. Wrist corsages should be worn only if there is no cuff. A three-quarter sleeve works best, or a shawl or wrap. If there is a cuff, chances are that the wrist corsage will be compromised.

3. It is becoming increasingly popular for Moms to carry mini bouquets or single stems of a specific bloom. If you are having a traditional Wedding Ceremony where the Moms are part of the processional, it is always a good idea to have them with some flower. This helps the guests recognize that the Ceremony is about to begin, (since the Moms are usually the last to be seated before the Bridal Party), AND if there are any guests that have not met one or both Mothers, it is a discreet way to tell them who's who.

4. Other fun things to do for Moms include fresh flower bracelets (stephanotis works great!), and a few of my Brides have had me design their bouquet in two parts that are then untied and given to the Moms during the speeches at the Reception, as part of the thank-yous to the parents.

5. Whatever you decide upon for the Moms, consider keeping the flower colour neutral in off-whites, ivories, pastels or blush pink. This is a sure way to make sure their corsages or flowers won't clash with their dress colours.

Don't forget that your Corsage list should include for Moms, Step Moms, GrandMothers, Aunts, Sisters, Officiants, Godparents, soloists, MCs, readers and any other significant female attendees at your wedding.

Check back next Friday for (Part 2 of 4) March series;
"Corsages, Flower Girls, Ringbearers & Boutonierres"